Last night was my Lincoln CD-Release Party.It's been a whirlwind of a journey thus far.
First off, I am truly grateful for my friends and family around me. And for Mental Health America. One of their representatives had to talk me down from a ledge a bit to be able to handle this event...
Here's why:
This week, my website was destroyed (maliciously) mid-tour, and it threw me into a tail-spin of panic and depression when I *thought* I'd been doing so good. Mental illness is a sneaky mother *&%^#$J&#@. It just takes one trigger getting tripped and I'm (it feels like) 1,000 steps behind where I was (and would like to be).
I fixed the website myself (pat on own back here), but that didn't stop me from having a breakdown about it and why and how some people can be so mean and vindictive. As if life isn't hard enough - nobody needs nonsense like that added to it. And nobody needs the nonsense of my breakdowns either, so I'm deeply sorry for putting my mom, dad, brother and close friends through my Ashley is mentally-M.I.A. routine.
I want to stand for something positive, and I HATE it when I lose my cool. It scares me, and I know it scares a lot of other people, too. The best I can do is just keep trying to employ positive coping mechanisms, to let others help me when I can't help myself, and take it day by day.
Today I want to curl up in bed and disappear (I'm still depressed), but my friend Nicole Brack and I are going to do a photoshoot, so I am rallying, lack of dopamine (or GABA or seratonin) be damned.
Back to the party!!!It went great once I actually got there.
The Lincoln Ladies club made AMAZING gift bags for everyone and Nebraska Diamond and Audacious Hair Salon raffled off a black pearl necklace and $125 in products respectively. DFunk played a fun set, mine went great too, and I had a blast signing and selling CDs throughout the evening.
I even got a flower from a secret admirer. How cute is that? :)
My dad was so proud, which makes me feel great, and brought all his friends. And my mom and her side of the family were thrilled, too.
Even my first piano teacher was there - without her, my musical talents would simply not be.
In closing - thank you so much to everyone and thank you especially for picking up the slack when I just couldn't carry it for awhile.
Here's my mom's amazing "Green Drink" recipe (cures all your ills):
handful spinach
handful mixed baby greens
1 banana
1 apple (or 1 cup apple juice)
handful carrots
1/4 cup broccoli
1/2 red bell pepper
1/4 cup frozen blueberries
1 Tbsp sesame tahini
1/4 cup ground flax seeds
Mix with water and ice and blend to desired consistency.... It's AMAZING.
Dearness!
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