Video Made the Radio Star

11 videos. In. the. Can. Ye-yeah!

Now that I've had a couple days to actually work from home in my pajamas, I'm realizing just how much of a whirlwind I actually was over the past couple weeks. I'm finally working on my finances and bills today (this is my MOST loathed chore - pajamas make it much more bearable), and hadn't even looked at the bills and receipts since the beginning of February. Wow.

Mostly I just feel REALLY tired right now, and I'm grateful to have a bit of time to sleep and restore before the next phase of activity surges in and carries me forward.

Things are coming together for my CD release tour which kicks off with my LA music video screening and album launch party 4/10 (8pm at the Goodson Screening Room on the American Film Institute campus, 2021 N. Western).

It feels amazing to be fielding calls from around the country and to have supporters helping me to lock in sponsors, distribute flyers, and set up promotion in Lincoln, Denver and LA. It's (way!) bigger than me now, and my biggest hope is that I can come through to really raise some awareness for Mental Health America and to do honor and justice for my directors: they created fabulous videos for me, and I want the LA celebration to be amazing for them.

I put up a Paypal "donate" button on my website so that anyone who wants to support MHA can simply click and do so. I really hope people will do this - it's such an incredible cause. I couldn't (can't) do any of the things I'm doing now without my mental facilities being sound and healthy. I think all people deserve to feel good, and in a lot of ways that's what mental health is about: consistently feeling good, or at least good enough, to perform at your best in work, relationships and everything else that matters to you. Even if you're a star athlete, you can't win the game if you're sitting on the sidelines too depressed to play. Or in my case, being too freaked out everyone/thing will turn on you to even leave the house.

In other news, I played the Method Fest Film Festival last Sunday night (we rocked a Red Hot Chili Peppers cover of "Under the Bridge") and had my 26th birthday on Monday, March 29th. My birthday made me feel really happy and really grateful - my little apartment was filled with loving friends and my heart was swelling just to look around and have them with me on that day.

Prior to the party, my friends Anna, John and I went to see "The Runaways" which is about Joan Jett's first band. I almost felt on one level that I was watching two parts of myself played out on screen. Even the sexuality, attraction and aggression are elements I recognize operating in - and first and foremost towards - myself. It was like this wise, masculine, aggressive element (Joan) and this beautiful, feminine, attention-seeking, broken element (Cherie). This movie had soooo many striking parallels to many of my experiences; it actually made me somewhat anxious and yet dangerously curious at the same time. It definitely raised the questions (yet again) - Is this worth it? What am I really seeking by pursuing rock and roll? Is this a way to seek attention and/or rebel against my own anger and pain?

I've been finding myself really drawn to studying the history of other famous rockstars in a way that never compelled me before. I feel like I'm relating to their performances and personalities on a whole other level than I did as a teenager and fan. Sometimes it scares me because they often ride a line of death and danger from which, with a tiny twist of fate, there is no coming back. A line that I've found myself more-than flirting with many times. The scariest thought is that my self-destructive impulses will get the better of me again in the future and I won't have the presence of mind to realize I'm out of control before it's too late. It's happened before. The good thing I guess is that I do have a lot of safe people around me to help me stay grounded and responsible.

One thing that really strikes me about being a performer is how much it challenges me to push my boundaries, break out of my comfort zone, question who I am, and come to terms with my own morality and way of being. I was struck by Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart's performances - they were dealing with VERY adult subject matter. I'd struggle to own it in either of those roles, but they both took the challenges head-on - at 16 or 18 years old. I'm pretty profoundly impressed.

Anyway... Anybody's tummy rumbling?

Here's a recipe from a magical afternoon in my life when I was riding through the streets of Kyoto on a bicycle. My boyfriend and I were FREEZING, and we stopped at a little restaurant where the owners spoke absolutely no English. All we wanted was some hot food. We just had to guess at the menu, and Marcin ordered the PERFECT thing. So this is that recipe (as interpreted by me). I ended up with cold noodles. ;)

Oh - and it's also super fast, super healthy, super filling, and super low-calorie.

Miso Music Food

2 eggs

1 packet instant miso soup

1-2 baby bok choy plants, cleaned and chopped

1 Tbsp chopped fresh scallion

1 cup brown rice

cooking spray

Add 8oz of boiling water to miso soup mix in measuring glass. Add half of soup to a small pan. Add bok choy and scallions, cover, and steam on low to medium until bok choy is cooked through and tender (2-5 minutes). Add brown rice and rest of soup. Heat through.

Empty contents of pan into serving dish.

Coat pan with cooking spray and turn heat to high. Stir two eggs into pan, scrambling them, and cooking until just done (I like mine almost a little runny). Add to rice, miso and vegetable mix.

Let cool, slurp and enjoy! :)

xoxo