Waking Dream

Today we shot video #8 - Joel Geist conceptualized of and directed this artistic inspiration of a video. I got to spend the day in my cozy nighty, fuzzy socks and mostly in bed for a dreamy journey that ended up feeling like children playing make-believe. It was VERY good for my soul, which has re-found itself (tentatively) yet again.

My whole acting 'clan' was involved in this shoot. This group is a support network linking Colorado and Los Angeles, and I formed a lot of meaningful friendships within the group through acting classes we all took the first year I was in LA. There is a lot of love and creativity radiating among us, and it was an apropos reminder that I am safe and I am loved after my small falling out with God last night.

I wish I knew how to explain what happened in regards to that little thunderbolt of negativity... It was nothing ACTUAL that occurred: my set at the Joint went great and friends came out to support me. I think I just felt really lonely going home to my cat and my book afterward, and kind of empty. So I was mad at God wondering WHY am I being called upon to do all this? It feels like a calling, and sometimes the sacrifices are greater than I can tell.

Those feelings are all valid, but really, how dare I. I don't need to question divine purpose, I just need to show up and play my part. And trust that 'God' or 'the Universe' will take care of the rest.

Sometimes I just lose sight or lose faith, but it seems like I don't get too far off in any one direction before I am bounced back. I feel like a bumper bowling ball.

Anyway, one of the highlights of my day was meeting a bright-eyed 18 year old named Sivan who has only been living in LA 3 weeks. She was so excited about everything we were doing, and whether she realized it or not, she helped me to really notice how far I've come since I first moved here. She helped me remember my enthusiasm, and my friends (we've all been well and productive but loosely scattered for the past year, so it was a reunion) helped me remember what it felt like before I was really unwell. Before I really became afraid of people and doubting of myself in the drastic ways - with the drastic damage - that the past year inflicted.

The strangest thing I find is that my mind can make me believe everything is wrong, when - like right now after such a healthy, grounding day - the reality is that things are amazing, I have great people pulling for me, and real opportunities opening up before me.

My friend Wanita taught me to look in the mirror everyday and say, "I love myself unconditionally". I watched Sivan struggle to take a compliment and Shelby correct her. It's simple little things like this that help to keep us mentally well, and thank God there are good people around to remind us when we forget or struggle to believe in our own deserving power.

I guess the answer to my question about pursuing dreams (if there is an answer... I was being rhetorical)... Is that it's not a dream. It's all real.

I'm already home. I just have to remember to believe it.

Funny enough... God brought Colorado to me today.

Set-Me-Right Snack

1 single serving container non-fat plain or vanilla Greek yogurt
1/2 cup diced fruit (my favorites are blueberries, apples, pears, bananas or raspberries)
1/8 cup walnuts
1/2 Tbsp honey
a dash of cinnamon in desired

Stir yogurt until blended. Layer fruit and nuts on top and drizzle with honey. Add a dash of cinnamon if desired.

Nutrition Breakdown:
About 250 calories (and very filling!)... This snack is full of probiotics in the yogurt that help your immune and digestive systems. It also has protein, healthy Omega fats from the walnuts, and fiber and nutrients from the fruit. Cinnamon is supposed to help boost your metabolism, so if you like the flavor, a dash never hurts!

Mad at God

Why is it that we encourage each other to follow our dreams, to never give in no matter what the cost?

It seems like a cultural taboo to do otherwise... The ideal - the idol - of the dream, held precious above all else.

(Is it a dream that was ever actually mine to begin with?)

Are we buying in when we pursue it? Are we selling out to make it 'come true'? And when is enough enough? What does 'come true' mean in a world where there are no endings or beginnings and no defining moments that signify absolute truth?

What about family? What about love? What about health and well-being?

Why do we forsake these things, and why are we encouraged to keep going, to just keep going at all costs - a little further, you're going to 'make it' - when we cry out that we are tired, lost, confused and alone?

Why doesn't anyone ever say, "it's time to come home"?

I probably shouldn't bare my soul. But why not? I've lost it anyway.

Recipe:

Dark Chocolate (70% or more cacao)

Solitude, Suicide... and a Rosemary Chicken Remedy

Well... It's been an interesting past few days. I've worked on and (pretty much) wrapped shoots for videos #4 (Yellow Fields), #5 (Tangled), and #6 (Filter) this week. Tomorrow we film #7 (No Magic) and Monday we film #8 (Unrequited).

Now that's A LOT of music videos in one week.

I've done everything from backwards rollerblading through the metro to kissing (more) handsome strangers to seeing a lizard Vs. cat fight (the lizard lost its tail - it was gnarly). It's been interesting to say the least.

I've also had some - go figure - deep thoughts and painful moments to endure.

Earlier this week, I got pretty unsettled when a schizophrenic youth came up and started talking to me at Starbucks. (Sidenote: I highly commend Starbucks for providing nutrition info and healthy options on their menus.) Anyway, I knew almost immediately that this young man was mentally ill, and it was a profound reality check for me, because I found a lot of thoughts and reactions running through my head:

• he looked more or less "normal" - a decent-looking young man from a middle class home - it was his conversation that tipped him off to me. Whereas most other people would have just thought he was 'weird' and backed away, I saw something more. I found myself wondering, "Why is he here? Doesn't he have anyone who cares about him wondering where he is?" and discovered a secret prejudice operating in my own head: if they're dirty and obviously crazy, then no one thinks to wonder where their families are because of course no one would want them... It's awful, but I think this has been my unconscious line of thinking for a long time. Maybe it's not all bad that I (we?) think this way - it's just ignorant. How else do we cope with the raw, ugly truth confronting us in the form of homeless people on the street every day if we can't rationalize it into something manageable? How do we cope with the knowledge that we 'can't save them all'... We tell ourselves instead to focus on #1.
  
• although my first inclination was to avoid eye contact and ignore this young man, I realized that this was probably what almost everyone does to him. Instead, I chose to engage; it couldn't hurt me to let him talk while I got my coffee and headed out to my car. After all, what kind of a hypocrite would I be - advocating for Mental Health America, but ignoring a mentally ill young man in my 'real' life? I think questions of fear and safety are very real and must be addressed, but I think sometimes our fear is so automatic because mentally ill people represent what we are not willing to face or are afraid of in ourselves.

As I said, this brief interaction brought up a lot of thoughts for me.

It's also been a rough week for me emotionally, with my dark side getting the better of me more than once. Meaning I've been low. I've been fighting being low. But I don't always win, and that scares me more than I can share. I've been unable to get out of bed (I was often dragging myself to shoots), missing workouts, skipping therapy, skipping meditation, eating junk food... A total downward spiral, but once I'm in it's so hard to get out. People literally have to reach in and grab me. Which they do - they know to do - these days. But Oh God it's not pretty. I wish I could always be 'pretty'. I can fake it for a while, but sooner or later... The levy breaks. (xo Led Zeppelin)

I feel tremendously regretful that I drag people through this with me. And tremendously grateful (and astounded) that there are people who still stick by me.

After all, I'm now advocating mental health, so I'm supposed to have it together, right? I SOOOOO don't.

Here's a heavy, nasty, I'm-sorry-I-have-to-say-it topic: suicide. I have a "feeling-low" threshold, and when I cross it (get too low), it's like my brain clicks over into suicide-mode. My thinking changes, and I am gripped by thoughts of how to do it, that I MUST do it, that I only have to go a little longer and then I CAN do it... It's horrible. I try not to take drugs when I can avoid it, but it becomes a question of which evil is worse, and often popping a couple pills and sleeping seems like the only relief I can get. It also seems like the only way to allay the damage I will inevitably cause to myself and my relationships. And then I just pray to wake up with a clear head again. Sometimes I do.

I know (because I hear people say) that people think what on earth could I have to be sad about? I can't explain it - I know I'm not thinking straight when these feelings get the best of me. I feel like a selfish @$$ when my mind comes back to me... Because the truth is that by not valuing myself, I'm devaluing someone and something that a lot of people do believe in. If you love your mom or your sister or your friend and I tell you I think she's so worthless she doesn't deserve to live, I'm totally insulting you. Slipping into a suicidal mindset is a grave insult to all of my friends and family - and everyone else around me.

I guess my little take home message here is to just keep working at recovery even when the going is hard and even when I feel alone. I know I'm not alone. This week my poor parents and a couple close friends got hysterical calls from me begging for help when I really felt like I was going to lose control.

I've been to the hospital before. I've overdosed twice. It's NOT fun.

I have to advocate for my OWN mental health when I feel the landslide starting; I have to let people know what's happening and take responsibility for addressing it so I can be better and functional again as soon as possible. Fortunately, I think the turn around time for me is quicker these days, but sometimes I really do get scared that I'm going to lose it all and have to hit bottom. I hope not. There's a lot of cool stuff happening, a lot of people involved, and it's a lot bigger than me now... I don't want to let the people who believe in me down.

I'm really grateful that I have people in my life who can be loving and not blame or shame me for this 'condition' that I STILL don't want to believe I suffer from. I'm grateful I was able to reach out and I'm grateful that when I did, there were safe people there to help me. I've also been punished and ignored when crying for help before, and that kind of treatment only makes the depression and the self-destructive urges worse. That's a pretty bad kind of hurt. It's heartbreak.

In one of my emails with MHA this week, Mike Turner, VP of Resource Development mentioned to me that "fifty percent of people living with mental health issues never ask for help".

Some of us don't know what's 'wrong' with us. Some of us are literally blind to our own illness. Most of us are afraid. And some just don't have anyone qualified or caring enough to turn to.

My prayers are with the young man I met at Starbucks. I hope being listened to and treated with kindness was at least a little relief for him. I might not be able to save the world or even myself, but it sure feels good whenever I can do even one little thing right.

Everything - no matter how big or small - starts with just one move in the right direction.

2-for-1 Rosemary Chicken

This one's pretty simple and it's good for two (or more) delicious meals. Plus, rosemary sauteed in olive oil until it's crispy is unbelievably good - and not a particularly well known edible. Enjoy!

1 package boneless, skinless organic or free-range chicken breast
olive oil
1 package rosemary sprigs
fresh ground pepper
sea salt
1/4 tsp onion powder
1/4 tsp garlic powder

Heat a medium skillet on high. Add a generous amount of olive oil to coat the skillet. Place chicken breasts (butterflied and halved if thicker than 3/4 inch) in pan and season with salt, pepper, onion powder and garlic powder. Cover skillet with lid and let breasts fry until golden on one side (about 3-4 minutes). Carefully (using lid to block oil spitting from pan) turn breasts over with a fork. Replace lid and let fry an additional 2-3 minutes. When breasts are nearly done (no longer pink in center), scatter freshly washed and de-stemmed rosemary sprigs across the top. Replace skillet lid, lifting to stir intermittently, until rosemary sprigs have become crisp and lightly browned in the olive oil.

Transfer chicken and rosemary to a serving plate. Serve with Simply Potatoes mashed sweet potatoes and steamed broccoli.

THEN....

Refrigerate leftover chicken. Cut one breast into bite size pieces and toss with 2 cups freshly washed and chopped romaine, one washed and chopped roma tomato, 1/2 of one peeled, sectioned and chopped navel orange, 1/2 of one sliced avocado, and 1/4 cup cucumber slices. Drizzle with 1 Tbsp olive oil and 1/2 or 1 Tbsp of balsamic vinegar. Voile - a delectable salad for lunch!

It's Fun to Be a Kid Again... Whole-Wheat Honey Almond-Butter Waffles

The footage for Video #2 (Wasteland) is undergoing metamorphosis in my friend Max's Macintosh laboratory. Max has a couple remixes of my songs coming out soon as well.

And Video #3 (It's Not Enough) wraps tomorrow! We are moving FAST.

Video #3 involved the talents of a very sweet and truly inspiring little girl named Tiarra. Thank you to Tiarra and her family, as well as to our other talent, Brian, for your commitment and professionalism. Thank you also to Derek, the director, for his impeccable organization and preparation; we were actually ahead of our shoot schedule today. That NEVER happens. And thank you to Mikko (producer) and Julie (make-up artist) for your wonderful contributions as well.

So far, every video concept and approach has been entirely unique, and I am loving how it feels to jump in and go for it. It is SO fun to be working with so many talented professionals and downright good-hearted people.

Here is my take-home message of the day: Never grow up. PLAY. Happy thoughts can make you fly.

Everything always goes best in my life when I am living it, playing, and having fun doing it. Worrying won't fix troubling thoughts, but shifting into positive action will go a long way to set my mind at ease. In fact, my observation is that the most successful and the 'coolest' people I know in Hollywood are EXACTLY the ones who allow themselves to be genuine and to live their lives lightly. Being super serious and self-important is unsustainable... And unnecessary!

There's something so magical about being around children, because they haven't forgotten how to be natural yet. They live in the moment, they express their true feelings, and most of the time, all they want is to have fun and be loved. Little ones have great lessons to teach us if we are willing to tune in, listen, and remember.

Lately, I've started looking at the toy aisles in stores again... And getting excited! Remember how that felt? That's how life should be the majority of the time.

I'm really grateful for all the things that take me back and help me remember how easy it really is to just be... So that I can be more fully present now, and much more fulfilled.

Nutrition Breakdown:
This one is hearty, healthy and super easy. Whole-wheat = unrefined carbs = slower digestion, feeling full longer, and more stable blood sugar. It also equals fiber and a whole parade of vitamins and minerals.

Ditch the saturated fat of butter and massive sugar overloads of syrup. You get a dose of heart healthy fat (which helps lower cholesterol) and a fair amount of protein from the almond butter, and anti-oxidants from the honey. Plus some studies suggest that cinnamon can help rev your metabolism. If you're looking for a nutritious - and filling - twist on a favorite breakfast treat, this is it.

Whole-Wheat Honey Almond Butter Waffles

You'll need (per serving):

2 Eggo low-fat Nutrigrain or Whole-Wheat Waffles (other brands are fine, just always look for WHOLE wheat as the first ingredient on the package)
1-2 Tbsp Almond Butter
1-2 tsp Honey
1/2 tsp Cinnamon

Toast the waffles to desired crispiness, then divide almond butter between them and spread with a knife. Drizzle with honey and sprinkle with cinnamon.

Enjoy with fresh cut fruit (my favorite pairing is a sliced up banana and fresh raspberries).

Serve with 80z of low or non-fat ORGANIC milk, green tea or coffee.

Happy thoughts! :)

Ash

Sex and Insecurity... and Easy At-Home Indian Cuisine

Video #1 is wrapped!

We shot all day and it brought up so much for me to ponder.

First off - I feel good about it and had a lot of fun.

Secondly...

Video #1 is sexy/racy... And here's a pretty major confession: I did my first kissing scene EVER today. All of these years of 'acting' and I've ducked that one until now, actually. The truth is, I was SCARED.

I feel really fortunate: I surrounded myself with a really safe team of people, and nothing that happened today is anything I feel bad or unprofessional about. And that's important, because ultimately it is ME who needs to be able to live with myself and feel okay about my choices, and I am learning to figure out what *I* really feel and believe now. Somehow I really lost touch with knowing my own truth for a significant part of my life.

Quick credit: My love interest for this video was my friend Joel from an acting workshop, and I couldn't have picked a better guy to test my little wings with. Thank you, Joel. And thank you to the director, Brian, for providing me with a safe experimentation-realm, to Morgan for all of her help and female support, and to our make-up artist Nicole for all of her help and support (and for making me look my best) as well.

Back to grappling with sexy-sexy. So here are some of the thoughts that came up for me: "am I being a slut?", "will certain people hate me now?", "do I look fat?", "my scars show", "I look ugly", "am I setting a bad example (for little girls)?", "what if I'm really a terrible actor?", "am I selling out?", and SOOOO much more.

Devastating, painful thoughts. Rampant insecurity. I guess my answer to all that was to embrace the challenge and say "NO. I DO deserve to operate with the belief that I am a beautiful, empowered woman and I have NOTHING to feel bad about in being okay with loving my body (and ultimately myself) just as it is/I am." As I said, I didn't do anything 'unprofessional' or that I didn't feel comfortable with... I guess in a way I am exploring some of my limits and figuring out just how far is too far, what I am NOT willing to do.

For the sake of art, and for the sake of communicating stories, I must be willing to be honest and real. From the lyrics in my music to connecting with my center and letting my experiences be recorded on camera... Art and stories help people realize their OWN experiences (relate), and it seems important to me to be willing and brave enough to stand up and let that happen through me. And if I'm terrible... Well. I'll figure out how I feel as I go. That's the best I can do - try and see, right? Take (calculated) risks, assess the feedback. Forgive.

Anyway, I'm proud of myself. There are a lot of other challenges ahead - some of them athletic, some emotional, and most unforeseen. But today I really stepped out of my comfort zone, and I deserve credit for that alone. If you don't risk leaving where you're at, you can't get where you're going. I've got some pretty amazing places ahead, and I intend to take my crowd with me. ;)

Ahhh. (As in deep sigh of relief.)

This confession feels really good. I call myself a model, but I have all of these doubts. All of these compulsions designed to contain the fear - count calories (I stopped doing that - I'm trusting my BODY and listening to it these days), workout everyday, tweeze stray hairs, never leave the house without concealer - WHY? I am lovable simply because I exist. Simply for being me. Whatever ME is. AND SO ARE YOU!!!! SO ARE YOU!!! SO ARE YOU!!!

I want anybody reading this who resonates with it to know that this is my true experience. I know how horribly, life-destroyingly PAINFUL these negative thoughts and all of this self-doubt can be.

I don't have answers. I really don't presume to think I know that much. But I know I'm not alone. I know there are people who are safe and who love me as I am. I know that I deserve to love me as I am. I know that doing so is hard for me more often than I wish were true.

Also, I truly have so much love in my heart for YOU. I know we all hurt, even though we try to hide it. But I see it. I feel it. I wish I could be in all places and have time and be big enough to be available for everyone who is here for me, supporting me, reaching out to me... I love you and I am so humbled and so grateful. And I am here to validate your experiences and to let you know I care for you.

Please know that if ever you are hurting... or doubting... You are not alone. There are people who care.

Reach out.

Risk.

It's okay to do.

Easy At-Home Indian Cuisine

After a long day... Guess what? I don't want to cook! Here's another a little short-cut that really sets me right:

Amy's frozen Vegetable Korma - frozen (healthy) foods aisle at most stores - and a glass of low or non-fat organic milk

***Organic milk is free of bad hormones and antibiotics that are injected into non-organic cows... Just do a little googling to learn about all of the toxic effects of these practices. ALWAYS go for organic dairy products***

This whole product line (Amy's) is wonderful in my opinion. Tons of SUPER-yummy vegan/vegetarian/organic foods. Definitely check it out.

Now if you had a busy day like I did... Rest up and take good care. You deserve to feel fantastic. ;)

xo

Ash

Two Great Quotes

Anthony Kiedis, Wet Sand, Stadium Arcadium album - "My heart is hurting when I share; someone open up and let it show."

Derek Mok, MY guitarist (very wise Chinese man) - "Thoughts aren't good or bad - it's what you do with them."

again - xo

Pretty Porcelain in the Morning

Today, I'm off to shoot the first of the music videos for my contest (screening/CD release party 4/10 at AFI - see my website for details!).

I feel soooo nervous AND excited about all of this. I am being challenged to grow as a performer on so many levels - both with my music and being a rockstar on stage, and with my acting skills and ability to emote on screen.

I'm a bit rushed as I want to make it to set on time, but I do want to share a quick 'recipe' with you that I'm using to keep myself feeling camera ready.

Pretty Porcelain Skin:

Almost every day, right after I get done working out (sweating so my pores are open), I squeeze some fresh lemon juice into a little dish and swipe it over my face with a cotton ball. Watch out, as it can sting depending on the condition of your skin, the strength of the lemon, and your sensitivity.

The acids in the lemon juice act like a natural 'acid peel' - but gentler - and really help keep skin clear of congestion and breakouts.

Once I'm in the shower, I use an exfoliating scrub to help remove dead skin cells, and I finish up with an SPF face lotion.

I've read that you're really only supposed to exfoliate a couple times per week, but my skin seems to need it more often.

I recommend experimenting to figure out how frequently your own skin requires this treatment to benefit.

Might sound a little strange to put lemon juice on your face, but try it... I swear it works.

Wish me luck! I'll keep you 'posted' about my progress with the videos. :)

Starting the Day Out "Right"

Well...

Today was definitely another lesson for me in letting go of control. I *thought* I started the day out right - that if I could just set myself on the proper trajectory, everything would work out fine. Yes, God, I'm listening - only my choices are up to me. Other things won't always go my way (or the way I think they should) and I need to continue nourishing myself and enhancing my ability to adapt to stressful 'triggers' in healthy, positive, constructive ways.

Sometimes I am really impulsive. And sometimes I really regret my choices. Sometimes I put myself in stupid situations. I usually know better. Why (seemingly) can't I control my behavior if and when I DO know it's not apt to lead me where (I say) I want to go??

I have panic attacks. At least for the past half year, the overwhelming emotions and distorted thinking that define them have been seriously interfering with my ability to consistently do what I want to do when I want to do it.

If you aren't familiar with what panic attacks feel like (and they affect different people differently) allow me to try to illustrate the internal chaos I endure for the duration of my typical episodes.

A crescendo: a quiet haze pervading the perimeters of my consciousness, intensifying steadily... The fear begins - oh no, not again, oh no, not now, oh no no no no NO. At this point, if I am with someone safe I can try to alert them, but it becomes exceedingly difficult because as the panic grows, my ability to make eye contact or speak descends into an abyss of embarrassment and paranoia. Pretty soon EVERYTHING is too much... The only analogy I can draw is the way sounds and lights sometimes become unbearable when you have a hangover. Noises, people passing, the feel of air against my skin, a vibration in the floor, bright light... And there is no where to go to get away.

>>>Cut to Ashley crying and hyperventillating in a bathroom stall... Yep. Admittedly NOT a pretty picture. AT ALL.<<<

So (with some coaxing) I take medication (which I'm so angry about, but maybe that's just where I'm at in life right now and I have to accept it) and/or I just HOLD ON TIGHT. Literally. To a door frame, a pillow, a fence.

If I can get away and hide to ride it out, I do. Sometimes, panic and depression sweep me up into a morbid waltz that at worst has lasted weeks at a time. Dark weeks, sequestered in my house, shades drawn against the thoughts of death.

Pain helps - and yes, I recognize the illness in that. Pain that keeps me in my body. Blood that reminds I am here, now, real. Pain that separates the feelings from me - the innocent part of me that is feeling such monstrous... Loathing and dread.

I know this is very heavy subject matter... I promise to write of blissful things soon. But my blog is about being honest, and if anyone can relate, I want them to know they are not alone. I myself know these feelings all too well.

It's really hard when people reject you for being 'too much to handle', 'crazy', or whatever other label they might choose to give it: Ultimately, rejection is rejection. And it often has more to do with what someone sees reflected in YOU that THEY don't want to deal with or be open to in themselves than it does with who you are or your worth as a perfect, beautiful, loving and deserving human being. Imperfection IS perfection. We're all the same recycled energy and matter in ONE universe... How could anything, anyone, or any form be 'wrong'? Just a little... food for thought. ;)

But it does hurt. It hurts to be rejected, it hurts when the people and things you thought you could count on fall away... But it's like burning down what's false so that the truer, stronger structure that's underneath REALLY supporting you can shine through. Infinite goodness exists. It's our expectations that sometimes lead us to overlook it. With a universe so infinitely intelligent, what makes us presume that we can outsmart it?! I am SO guilty of that one. What a fool I am and have been - though now I try to laugh when I realize my folly instead of beating myself up for it. We're just silly little humans! How preposterous would it be for an ant to decide it should make honey when the bees obviously already know better? That's kind of how I feel about my relationship with God at this point, I guess, and it feels really good to surrender.

Anyway.

When my emotions get the better of me, I sometimes have to step back and allow myself to be where I am. That means reaching out (which is SO hard to do) and it also means being adaptable when my plans are no longer the most appropriate course of action considering what have become the current circumstances.

Today I had to accept the help and kindness of strangers. I had to trust people I was fearing and allow myself to be led.

And tonight, I am safe, tucked into bed with some tea, healing, looking forward to sleeping deeply and starting out tomorrow... if not right, at least... Fresh.

Blueberry-Banana Coconut Pancakes

Okay, kiddies - these ones are soooo good for you, and honestly require no butter or syrup because of their natural sweetness. You can also experiment with the ingredients to come up with gluten-free (substitute buckwheat mix) and dairy-free (substitute soymilk) options.

Some of the nutritional benefits include: whole-grain carbs (great for Serototonin production - one of the brain's important Neurotransmitters involved in mood and affect), fiber, tons of potassium and antioxidants from the fruit, protein, heart-protective fatty acids from Coconut oil, calcium from the milk, and much more.

Once you get the recipe down, these actually only take about ten minutes to make, and if you're savvy, you can make about six pancakes and have this wonderful breakfast (I recommend it with a warm cup of jasmine green tea) twice a week.

Here's what you'll need:

Whole-wheat or Bluckwheat Pancake Mix
2-4 eggs
At least one cup milk (1% or skim)
1-2 Tbsp Coconut Oil (can be found at Whole Foods)
1/4 cup shredded UNSWEETENED coconut (Health Food aisle or Whole Foods)
1/2 cup blueberries
1 or 2 medium bananas
canola oil cooking spray
griddle or large pan
spatula

Follow the directions on the pancake mix package depending on the number of pancakes you wish to make. Typically the measurements are something like 1 cup mix, 1 egg, 3/4 cup milk and 1 Tbsp (Coconut) oil.

Whisk or stir ingredients just until blended. You may want to add a couple extra table spoons of milk so that the batter has a thinner consistency (this will help pancakes to cook through).

Set griddle or pan on medium/low heat and let warm up a couple minutes.

(Again depending on your selected serving size) slice 1/4" thick rounds of one banana into batter. Add 1/4 cup blueberries. Add 1/8 cup shredded coconut. Stir all ingredients until blended.

Spray pan bottom with cooking spray and ladle approximately 1/4 cup portions of batter (with fruit) into pan. Be careful to keep pancakes separate, as they will expand. Once edges are firm and bubbles are forming on the surface of the pancakes, use the spatula to carefully flip the pancakes over and cook thoroughly on the second side.

Use spatula to move cooked pancakes onto serving plate and store in 200 degree oven. Coat pan or griddle bottom with cooking spray, ladle in batter and repeat process until all pancakes are prepared. Remove serving plate from oven (with an oven mit!) distribute pancakes to your morning compatriots, and enjoy!

They're perfect with a tall glass of orange juice, milk, or jasmine green tea.

xoxo

Ashley